Each time I return to China the trip inspires new reflection deep into existence. This year is no different. There are more thoughts than I am able to capture, but tonight I am thinking about attachment and fluidity. Our group just left an oddly synchronistic dinner with good friends who are going through significant life transitions. As I listened to one friend tell her story my admiration for her grew enormously. It was quickly evident that the many changes she is going through are causing significant emotional distress. Empathy, it seems, came more easily than usual on this topic.
Our conversation seemed to reflect common themes in existential psychology. First, we discussed the fluidity of life and consistency of change. This basic existential reality is often futilely rebelled against by creating illusions of structure and consistency. But change always wins out. One response to this existential reality is non-attachment. In Buddhist thought, it is purported that attachment is the root of much suffering and by attaining a state of non-attachment, suffering will therefore decrease. Although there can be different interpretations as to what this means, it is frequently used to encourage individuals to decrease their attachment to material possessions as well as stability and structure.
I am quite sympathetic to the idea of non-attachment, but yet from an existential perspective also had some hesitations. The existential viewpoint encourages the passionate life and a life more fully embraced. Many individuals pursuing non-attachment seem to also leave the world and their passions behind. But tonight, my friend reflected a deeper type of non-attachment that demonstrated great wisdom. She remained attached to her relationships with people and her ethical integrity, but showed non-attachment to the particularities. Her commitment to her relationships remained strong, even when separated from her friends and when their relationships underwent dramatic change. Similarly, her integrity and character remained untarnished even when applying principles in settings that required application that looked very different than typical.
The problem is not with attachment or non-attachment. It has more to do with what and how we attach. I believe my friend was showing great wisdom in how she was living her life. While remaining unwavering in her commitment to her ethical principles and the people she cared about, she also embraced the fluidity of life and the context in which this valuing took place. Attachment and non-attachment, fluidity and stability, seemed to stand together in a lived form of wisdom.
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